5 Leadership Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
Ah, leadership—one of those roles that looks easier from the outside, doesn’t it? It’s not until you’re in the trenches that you realize just how challenging it can be. Over the years as a manager navigating the complexities of team dynamics, I’ve faced my fair share of challenges. Each misstep has been a lesson that’s reshaped how I lead today.
Lesson 1: Without Trust, You Can’t Build Anything
I used to think that trust was something that came with the title—that if I showed competence, my team would naturally fall in line. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. Trust isn’t a given; it’s earned, and it requires constant care. Early on, I relied on directives and expected compliance, but what I really needed was to share my challenges openly and invite my team into the problem-solving process. The real shift happened when I stopped trying to be the “all-knowing boss” and started being more vulnerable and transparent. Trust is built in the small moments, and without it, nothing else sticks.
Lesson 2: My Advice Isn’t Nearly as Good as I Think It Is
Let’s be real: as managers, we sometimes believe we have all the answers. And why not? We’ve been in the game longer, right? But here’s the thing—some of the best solutions I’ve ever seen didn’t come from me. They came from my team. In the early days, I was quick to offer advice instead of fostering space for their ideas. Over time, I’ve learned that guiding conversations, rather than steering them, leads to better results. Now, I listen more and advise less, which has empowered my team to own their decisions and come up with creative solutions I wouldn’t have considered.
Lesson 3: Even If I Have the Answer, Giving the Solution Is Not the Best Coaching Approach
It’s tempting to step in and offer a fix, especially when you know the solution. But I’ve learned that coaching is about more than just providing answers. It’s about encouraging critical thinking. I used to give quick fixes, thinking I was being helpful, but it only stunted growth. Instead, asking, “What do you think we could try differently next time?” opens up a whole new conversation. It gives the team the chance to reflect and take ownership. The best leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers, they’re the ones who help others find theirs.
Lesson 4: Sweetening Messages Does No One Any Favors
In an effort to be liked and to avoid conflict, I often sugar-coated feedback. The intention was good, but the outcome? Not so much. It left my team confused and unsure of how to improve. Honest communication is crucial. I remember giving feedback to a team member and framing it in a way that seemed supportive but ended up being vague. They walked away unsure of how to improve. Now, I make it a point to be direct, but compassionate. It’s not about being harsh; it’s about being honest enough to help someone grow.
Lesson 5: I Can’t Please Everyone on the Team All the Time
This lesson was perhaps the hardest pill for me to swallow. As a people manager, I felt the pressure to make everyone happy. But the truth is, you can’t please everyone. Trying to do so often leads to burnout and ineffective leadership. I’ve learned that it’s okay to disappoint some people, as long as the decisions you make are fair and aligned with your goals. Respect comes from clarity and decisiveness, not from trying to be everything to everyone.
Final Thoughts
These lessons were hard-earned, but they’ve made me a better leader. Management isn’t about having all the answers or keeping everyone happy—it’s about building relationships, fostering trust, and leading with intention. So, if you’re in a leadership role, embrace the hard lessons. It’s through the challenges and mistakes that real growth happens, both for you and your team.
Remember: being a manager isn’t about overseeing tasks. It’s about guiding people, building a culture of trust, and helping others grow alongside you. That’s where the real growth happens!
